5 Things Every Girl Must to Know About her Men

By: Unknown on 11:21 AM

1. He doesn’t care about the texts (and neither should you!)

I don’t know what the biggest relationship concern was back in the days of touch-tone phones, but these days, it’s all about a guy’s texting habits: why he used to text so much in the beginning and then stopped, why he takes so long to reply, why he disappears for days at a time, why his texts are so short etc. etc. The really sad/funny thing is men have NO idea how intensely their texting habits are being scrutinized. None!

There are all kinds of reasons why this is such an issue for women and why men are so oblivious to it, but the takeaway is that this whole thing is a a non-issue for men. Most men see texting as nuisance. Yeah, they’ll text a lot in the beginning when they’re trying to win you over, but it’s not sustainable or realistic to continue at that level indefinitely. In the beginning, it’s all new and fresh and if he’s really into you he will be thinking about you a lot and will feel the urge to text you frequently. After some time has passed and the relationship is a bit more established, this urge isn’t as pressing and it begins to feel like work.

Sadly, a lot of relationships collapse before they even get off the ground because the girl can’t handle the sudden decrease in daily texts and instead of dealing with it, she lashes out at the guy and demands explanations for every text he doesn’t reply to. The mistake that many make is thinking that the sudden drop in texts means he’s losing interest or doesn’t care. That’s not usually the case, though. Most often, he’s just settling back into his normal routine.

Guys don’t think about relationships as often as women do, it’s just not where their head is at. It doesn’t mean they don’t care, it’s just not a central point of focus. Countless studies have shown that women primarily gain their sense of worth and self-esteem through their interpersonal relationships while men measure their worth based on their ability to have an impact in the world and contribute in a meaningful way.

2. Men communicate through actions more than words
We get a lot of questions that go something like: “I’m really confused, my boyfriend says he’s crazy about me and I’m the most amazing/wonderful/smart/funny/etc girl he’s ever dated but he always blows me off and he can’t hang out and doesn’t have time to talk on the phone or text back or take me out on dates and I really only see him late at night when he feels like it.” Okay, maybe not exactly like that, but close enough. Men intuitively know that words are important to women. Some men exploit this by saying things they don’t really feel or believe in order to get what they want and other men hold back from expressing how they truly feel, knowing that once the words are out there the dynamic of the relationship will irrevocably be altered.

If a guy says he’ll do anything for you and then calls late at night and begs you to come over, claiming to be too tired to make the drive over to your place, then he has a very loose definition of anything! If he says he really cares about you and misses you but then goes days or weeks without calling or making time to see you because he’s swamped at work, or some excuse along those lines, what he’s really saying is you’re not important enough to make time for.

The opposite is also true, a guy may not be saying something with his words and instead, express how he’s feeling through actions.  For instance, let’s say a woman is in a truly amazing relationship. The only problem is her man has yet to say those three not so little words. She may start to obsess over why he hasn’t said it and what it means. While she’s trapped in her head, she’ll ignore all the amazing things he does for her, the things that should show her beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves her!

Love is a big and scary word for a lot of guys. This doesn’t mean they’re incapable of feeling love, it just means they can often have a hard time saying it out loud. Women get so tripped up in relationships by honing in on the words while it’s really the actions that say it all. If he is there for you, if he is considerate of you, if he goes out of his way for you, if he opens up to you, he loves you.

Look, I don’t think I’m making any radical claims by saying men are the less communicative of the two genders. If you want to know where he really stands, pay closer attention to what he’s doing and put less emphasis on what he is and isn’t saying.

3. They want to give and make you happy, they just don’t always know how

Hold onto your seats ladies, this might come as a major shock: men want to make you happy. Yes, that is correct. I know it can sometimes feel like he’s intentionally trying to make your life more difficult, and while he may be driving you nuts, deep down all he really wants is to provide for you and give you what you need. The only problem is he has no idea how to do it.

Men aren’t women (sorry to throw another shocker at you there!). They aren’t able to intuit the nuances and decipher the clues. If you want him to give you what you want, tell him what it is that you want! The trick is to do it in a way that’s encouraging, not one that’s threatening, demanding, or nagging. When he does something you like and appreciate, acknowledge it and reward him for it. Show him how happy it made you when he did such and such. Nothing is more attractive and appealing to a man than a woman who is thoroughly happy with him. When he sees he can make you happy, he will be motivated to do whatever he can to keep you happy.

4.  He’ll get over his baggage if he thinks he’s going to lose you

Whether it’s a breakup, a demanding schedule, a stressful job, a painful past, it will become a non-issue the minute a man thinks he’s losing you. Guys will resort to all kinds of excuses to avoid being in an exclusive relationship–this usually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his natural aversion to being tied down (more on this in #5). If he knows that he can give you some excuse about still being devastated over his last relationship and you’ll stick around, then you can be sure said “broken heart”  won’t be mending anytime soon. If he senses you will leave if he doesn’t commit (or if you actually go ahead and say this isn’t what you want and actually cut the chord), he’ll get his act together….fast!

It may sound like an immature game, but why would he (or should he) put in more effort when he can get the exact same reward? If you find a Chanel dress on sale for $20 would you absolutely insist on paying the original market value of $2000? I mean, that’s how much the dress is worth. The obvious answer is no, you wouldn’t. If you can get something for less you will happily take it and would be a fool to offer more than the minimum amount.

5. Their number one concern is losing their freedom, always.

In the interest of making your life better and your understanding of men crystal clear, I’m gonna skip the sugar-coating and cut right to the heart of it: men are terrified of losing their freedom. It may sound ridiculous or immature but it’s the truth. This is the reason men are so afraid of commitment, it’s the reason they withdraw when a relationship deepens, it’s the reason they go hot and cold, it’s pretty much the reason behind almost every relationship issue you’ve ever had. Does this mean all men want to run around and sleep with every female that crosses their path? No. However, they will do whatever they can to hold onto the fact that they can go out and do whatever, whenever, for as long as possible.

Men don’t want to be locked down or shackled to the proverbial ball and chain. The nature of a man is to seek newness, men love to live in a world of unlimited possibilities.

You might be the most wonderful girlfriend in the whole world, but he still won’t abandon his inherent need to be free. The best thing you can possibly do is continue to have a strong sense of self and a life outside the relationship. Don’t rely on him to be the sole center of your universe because the second he feels that kind of pressure, he’ll run. The second you start pressuring him and demanding to know where he’s been and why he hasn’t called or texted and why he’s being shady or quiet or moody, he will feel like he’s losing his freedom and he’ll withdraw. If you persist and hound him further, he’ll keep withdrawing until he’s nothing more than a distant memory in your life.